Marriage Counseling With A Warning Label!

I’ve contemplated the affairs of mankind in my little corner of the world as they came to me this past week with their problems. I wish I were all-wise and all-knowing. I don’t even relish the role. It just comes with the territory. A pastor is needed quite often by wonderful, decent folks who are pressed from without and within. The pressures upon these folks, let’s just continue to call ourselves by that generic name – “mankind,” often take them quite by surprise. We live our lives quietly, assuming all the dignity left to us in any given moment and situation, only to be regularly blind-sided by situations not necessarily of our making nor our request. And then there are the others who pick out a preacher for some righteous reinforcement in their miserable existence.

Sometimes the pressures are family, often relational, frequently financial and always stressful. Sometimes the difficulties are more a matter of inattention to responsibilities. “Is this because…?” I’m asked regularly. Of course I don’t know. In this world bound by laws of physics we are always trying to determine cause and effect. Sometimes this takes the form of blame assessment. “OK, I’ve figured it out. It’s HER fault!”

Boy, is that ever tiresome.  One would think that HE isn’t stupid enough to really believe that SHE is going to respond with “Wow, you are absolutely right! I’m to blame. I’m stupid, I’m stupid, I’m stupid.” But, it does go on.

Interestingly enough to me, rarely ever does someone come to me and say, “You know, I think I’ve been wronged, but what I want to know how to do is apply that scriptural principle “forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on…” The very next verse is a great tongue-in-cheek call to HIM who is blaming HER, “Let us therefore, as many as are perfect, have this attitude;…”(If you are looking for those verses they are found in Philippians 3.13-15.)

Ok, so I sometimes (frequently) get lost in all the details of cause and effect (blame assessment). I really want to cut to the chase. So, here you are. I think it was that great Texas philosopher, Zig Zigler who said, “No matter where you go, there you are.” He might also have been the one who said “Everybody has to be somewhere and here I am.” Now there’s no doubt that this poor soul is in distress and there’s equally no doubt that he is really more interested in making sure everybody within his address book knows that his misery is HER fault than he has interest in “forgetting what lies behind.”

Someone in the crowd hollers out at Jesus (Luke 12), “Hey, make my brother divide the family inheritance with me!” Nothing like taking a family squabble public to rally public opinion and of course we all know that the sympathy vote is the ultimate goal and victory. I digress. Jesus’ basic initial response was “Oh boy, why me?” Actually he said something like “Man, who appointed me to be your judge and jury?” Then he went on to say “Beware, and be on guard against greed in any form.”

Here I am, here it is. Greed is the motivating force behind such behavior as “entitlement,” “impetuousness,” and “impulsiveness.” Not one of these are listed among the “fruit of the Spirit.” Correct me if I’m wrong.

So here we are, in the middle of another stressful situation. Are there no lessons to be learned from the course which brought us here? Yes, I think there probably are lessons to be learned. We just don’t learn them while we are still in the “ Valley of Achor .” (Joshua 7)  We learn lessons best after a few weeks, months, miles and experiences are between us and that adverse event.

Someone really needs to come to us, while we stand gathering the crowd and passing out stones, and ask us ‘What mark are you pressing toward now?’  What is the goal at this point? Do we have a goal or are we just trying to keep a target in our sites? Hey, it’s not only the messenger who gets shot. We shoot anyone we can blame for our miserable choices and circumstances.

Being greedy, we then want to stand in the crowd and say, ‘I deserve better treatment than this.’ Or, ‘I’m only doing what I’m doing because I deserve….”  Yup, that’s greedy behavior (entitled, impetuous, impulsive). Well, you may be thinking, ‘I see the entitled behavior and I can see the impetuousness, but where’s the impulsivity?’  Do you think anyone would be maintaining a course seeking sympathy, retribution or the stacking of support if he or she had been humbly, prayerfully seeking God for a new revelation of that Spirit of Love and Peace and Patience and Joy and Gentleness and Goodness….?

Paul said it rather poignantly, “…Why not suffer yourself to be wronged? Why not allow yourself to be defrauded?” I would encourage you to pick yourself up, look up, cheer up and live like a winner not a wiener. God has called us to love one another. So my advice to these men is “SUCK IT UP. ACT LIKE A MAN. LOVE YOUR WIFE. BE GODLY. AND, QUIT WHINING!”

I warned you that I’m not a very good counselor. Aren’t you glad you can just take it to God?